The feeling of not being good enough has become increasingly prevalent in today's society. The rise of social media, fueling the comparison culture, stands as one of the main factors contributing to this emerging emotional and psychological distress experienced by individuals, regardless of age, gender, social status, or background.
While I would argue that this 'illness' stems from our misidentification with the ego, rather than recognizing our true divine nature, it is important not to dismiss the significance of this juncture in our journey toward wholeness. We can look at this as part of the process of peeling the layers of the onion to reach the center that reveals the inherent emptiness, the pure essence of consciousness.
In my personal journey of self-discovery, I too came to recognize this feeling of lack within me—the feeling of not being good enough, constantly grappling with self-doubt and a sense of falling short. Today, as I work with individuals in my current role, including clients who seek to rediscover themselves and find inner harmony, I find myself once again witnessing this same undesirable trait manifesting repeatedly.
I believe that, to a certain degree, we all possess this negative self-perception at some point in our lives. And I believe that it is perhaps one of the most common struggles among adults these days, especially those experiencing issues with self-worth.
So in this blog, I would like to explore the various factors that can give rise to this feeling of lack within oneself, as well as shed light on how it can manifest itself, particularly in adulthood. Ultimately, I want to remind all you wonderful readers, and myself, of our true worth as divine beings.
The Roots of Not Feeling Good Enough
The feeling of not being good enough can originate from a variety of factors, often stemming from early life experiences and ongoing influences. Here are some common contributors to the development of this feeling:
1. Childhood experiences
Remember those not-so-great moments from our childhood? The times when we faced tough parenting, neglect, or maybe felt overwhelmed by high expectations? Or those moments when we feel like our worth is conditioned upon meeting certain standards? These experiences can sometimes leave us feeling like we're not good enough.
This can be detrimental to the future of children, as they are too young to comprehend the impact these experiences can have on their self-worth. From a young age, children unknowingly carry an emotional backpack filled with self-doubt and conditional worthiness, which can persist throughout their lives until they become aware of the effects of this burden and consciously choose to embark on a journey of self-discovery and transformation.
2. Comparison to others
Speaking of early childhood experiences, remember those childhood moments when we were pitted against the neighbor's kid or compared to a cousin, for not being smart enough in school or talented enough in music? It's easy to place the blame on our parents for unintentionally leaving us with the lingering scars of inadequacy, however, as adults, we unknowingly continue this pattern of self-comparison.
Thanks to the advent of social media, we now compare ourselves not just with the neighbor or a cousin, but with the entire world. We find ourselves constantly comparing ourselves to others who seem to possess more success, attractiveness, stylish clothes, and seemingly perfect lives. This perpetual comparison can generate feelings of inferiority and a persistent belief that we fall short in various aspects of our own lives.
3. Cultural and societal influences
Societal and cultural norms, expectations, and ideals too can shape individuals' self-perception. Unrealistic societal standards of beauty, success, or achievement can contribute to feelings of not measuring up and perpetuate the belief that one is not good enough as they are.
4. Traumatic experiences Traumatic events, such as physical or emotional abuse, bullying, or significant failures, can have a profound impact on self-worth. These experiences can create a lasting sense of shame, self-blame, and unworthiness, especially when they occur during childhood. Children require a safe and nurturing environment to develop a healthy self-worth. When children experience traumatic events, abuse, bullying and significant failures, they may start to internalize these experiences as reflections of their own inadequacy.
5. Family dynamics and upbringing
Family dynamics, including parental attitudes, expectations, and communication patterns, significantly influence a person's self-worth. A lack of emotional support, conditional love, or constant criticism can contribute to the feeling of not being good enough. Children who do not get the nurturing, attention, unconditional love and praise that are the building blocks of a healthy ego and sense of self-perception, will develop a feeling of falling short and inadequacy.
6. Media and societal messaging
Media portrayals, advertising, and social media can reinforce unattainable standards and contribute to the feeling of not measuring up. Constant exposure to carefully curated images and narratives can lead to comparison, self-doubt, and a sense of not meeting societal expectations.
The lingering effects...
The feeling of inadequacy and not being good enough often persists into adulthood. We all, whether consciously or unconsciously, bear the burden of these effects from our interactions with others. Meanwhile, we may unknowingly exhibit the manifestations of these effects in various ways, impacting our thoughts and behaviors without even realizing it.
Here are some of the ways this feeling can manifest in us:
1. Lack of confidence
Feelings of not being good enough can erode self-confidence and self-belief. This lack of confidence can make it challenging to tackle tasks or follow through with them, as individuals may doubt their abilities to succeed.
2. Perfectionism
Individuals who feel not good enough may develop perfectionistic tendencies as a way to compensate for their perceived inadequacies. They may strive for unrealistic standards of achievement and constantly seek external validation.
3. Self-Criticism
There may be an inner voice that consistently criticizes and undermines one's abilities and accomplishments. Individuals may focus on their flaws and mistakes while discounting their strengths and achievements.
4. Comparison and Self-Doubt:
Constantly comparing oneself to others and feeling inferior can be manifestations of not feeling good enough. This can lead to self-doubt, a lack of self-confidence, and a sense of being unable to measure up to others.
5. Seeking External Validation:
Individuals may rely heavily on external validation and approval to feel a sense of worth. They may seek constant reassurance from others and base their self-esteem on the opinions and judgments of others. In other words, this feeling of not being good enough can leave one feeling emotionally impoverished, constantly seeking approval and validation in the forms of praise, attention, love, and affection from external sources.
6. Fear of Failure
The fear of failure and making mistakes can be prevalent among individuals who feel not good enough. This fear can result in avoiding challenges, taking risks, and pursuing desired goals, as they anticipate failure and see it as confirming their self-perception.
7. Fear of success (Seriously, Can't We Ever Win?!)
Well, this is quite unfortunate. These individuals not only fear failure but also harbor unconscious fears of success. This can lead to a tendency of not completing crucial projects, leaving tasks unfinished, or abandoning pursuits of hobbies and goals. This fear can hinder personal and career progress, creating a stagnation of potential.
Deeply rooted in the belief of not being good enough, individuals may also hold the notion that they are undeserving of success. Accomplishing tasks or excelling in a particular area directly contradicts this belief, triggering an undesirable inner conflict.
8. Difficulty Accepting Compliments
Individuals may struggle to accept compliments or positive feedback, often dismissing or downplaying them. They may have a hard time internalizing positive affirmations and may feel unworthy of praise.
9. Overachieving or People-Pleasing
Some individuals who feel not good enough may engage in overachieving behaviors or people-pleasing tendencies in an attempt to prove their worth and gain validation from others. The constant need to compete and win at any argument is a clear example of how this feeling can manifest in many of us.
Remembering who we are
Having said all of this, it is important to redirect our attention to our true nature - the essence of sat chit ananda, which represents our inherent state of eternal existence, consciousness, and bliss.
Let us remind ourselves that we are beings of inner peace, unaffected by the limitations and challenges of our human conditioning and experiences. We should caution ourselves against false identification with the ego and the personal histories that shape our personalities and characters. Let us reconnect with and deepen our understanding so that we can cultivate a sense of serenity, transcend the feeling of not being good enough, and embrace our divine essence.
Thank you for reading. God bless <3