So here's another buzzword that had gained a lot of attention and usage in the past ten years or so. If you are interested in matters such as healing, trauma, spirituality, new age, mindfulness and modern-day meditation and yoga but have not come across this word like a thousand times already, you've probably not paying enough attention.
Many teachers these days throw this word around expecting us to understand what it means without further explanation. "You are already whole" is perhaps the most usual context in which the word is used, followed by "there is nothing you need to do to improve yourself".
Right so one may ask, "the compulsive liar; alcoholic; wife-beater in me is already whole and complete, therefore there is nothing I have to do to improve myself?". Or let's not even go that far, let's use an example that most of us can relate to.
Let's say,
- you realize you are not the most forgiving person and that you are still holding a grudge against a sibling or a friend who had done you wrong in the past;
- or you are living with regret/ shame over something you had or hadn't done and the regret/ shame is eating you alive;
- you have a terrible addiction to cigarettes or porn or your job and you are aware that the addiction is taking a toll on your life and your health;
- none of your relationship worked and you're starting to realize that there could be something wrong with you.
Can we honestly say to ourselves, in spite of all these "flaws", that we are truly whole and complete, that there is nothing that we have to improve. I for one, cannot. No matter how we try to lie to ourselves, deep down, there will be a nagging feeling that usually translate to guilt that will remind ourselves of the lie.
It took me several years to understand the concept of wholeness, not to mention a calamity of a serious illness to experience it. So I'd like to offer my view and take on this important concept that is the innate nature of who we truly are.
A One Word Description of Wholeness
Here's the best one word description of wholeness that I have come across: Lackless.
And now here's the long version:
You are whole when you are contented with whoever and wherever you are, whatever you have and whatever condition you are in. Lackless means you no longer wish for anything to be different. Be it your age and the way you look, your material possessions, your health, your status and relationship with the people around you. Wholeness means that you accept yourself the way you are without the need to look prettier, feel younger, live longer, weigh less, have better education, more confidence, or achieve more success.
Wholeness is about a deeper sense of being instead of a mere feeling. Wholeness is that state of being when you feel a constant subtle joy and peace as you silently witness the busy world going on outside of you.
Wholeness is not something that you can achieve by altering anything about you or your world. But it is indeed your true nature which you will discover as you peel off the layers of beliefs and conditionings that you think you are made of.
Lack is the Nature of the Human Being
Let's agree on one thing - that we as human beings come with all the weaknesses and flaws and therefore cannot experience wholeness. But it isn't our flaws that make us un-whole, but rather, it is the desire to be better and to have more.
As human beings there are constant needs and wants that we'd like fulfilled. Think about it, when was the last time you felt so contented that you could not think of or wish for anything to be different? And if by chance that you have genuinely felt this way, how long did that feeling last?
Desire equals lack. As long as we want something, it by default means that we do not have it, i.e. lack. And being in lack is the complete opposite of wholeness (lacklessness).
This is just part of the nature of the human being, the endless wanting and desiring and needing. The moment one gets fulfilled, a new one is already rearing its head around the corner.
"A happy man has no ambition". - J. Krishnamurti.
This is an indisputable fact, and the sooner we accept it, the faster we can move on to the next level of understanding.
This leaves us with an important question - How can we be whole when it is the nature of human beings to be in a constant state of lack?
Wholeness is Your True Nature
So since we are already whole, yet humans can't ever be, perhaps the question we must then ask ourselves is: What are we? Perhaps this quote below can be the starting point for our discussion.
"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience." - Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.
This spiritual being has been called many names - soul, atman, the divinity within, and even god. How many times have you heard someone saying, "you are god" or "you are divine"? Are these mere soothing words to convince us that we are already perfect? Or another self-concept aimed at inflating our own ego?
Without a deep and earnest effort towards uncovering this highest knowledge, one may not achieve self-realization, that is, one may not fully understand the nature of one's true being and be fulfilled in this understanding. And I am not even referring to the ability to achieve one's greatest potential and to accomplish the greatest growth in life. Although, having self-realization first does open up one's pathway to greater fulfillment and joy in life, no matter the pursuit.
Because wholeness is the nature of the true divine self, without this realization, we remain in the bondage of our own desires and hates, likes and dislikes - that are keeping us in the state of lack. We are never fully satisfied, somethings we want to bring into our lives, while other things we'd like to get rid of.
A Glimpse of The True Self
Perhaps we should start by asking ourselves, where do these desires and repulsions come from?
We all have our own views of the world and how our lives should be. But as long as we look at the world through the lenses shaped by our experiences, we are unable to perceive it objectively.
How much of our perception is shaped by resentment, by jealousy and by our own insecurities? How much is formed by our own biasness, our likes and dislikes. And how much came from the inherited beliefs and fears of the parents, caretakers, educators, our culture, religious teachings and society at large?
What if we are to remove these layers and layers of filters that have impaired our views of reality? What if we are to shed the beliefs, concepts and judgements we have projected outward onto the world? What if we are to drop all of our conditionings to the point where there is only stillness? What would the world look like then? How would we feel about ourselves then?
If you are able to get to this still point for even a split of a second, you would have gotten a glimpse of your true self that is eternal and whole, that is the source of peace, joy and love.
An Exercise
So how can one start one's journey towards self-realization and towards wholeness? Of course there are many ways. One of the more popular and structured ways is as taught in the Vedantic school, that is through devotion to God (bakhti yoga), action (karma yoga), knowledge of God (jnana yoga) and through meditation (raja yoga) -these are the 4 paths of yoga towards self-realization. But I am not qualified to talk about any of these. So I will share instead a simple exercise to come back to this still point that is our true being.
Let's begin.
Sit in a comfortable position in a quiet room.
Close your eyes, breathe normally and try to bring your breathing to a slow and steady pace.
Sit in this way until you find a calmness in you, that is when the mind slows down its activities.
Now bring all your attention to the center of your chest. Say to yourself: "I am here". Place a hand on your chest if this helps you remain in this 'space'. Just stay here.
Once in a while, you will notice that thoughts start to arise in your mind. Continue to maintain awareness in your chest space. With the hand as an anchor (repeat: I am here), you can imagine pulling all attention that is now moved to the mind back to the chest.
If you still notice that the mind is busy with thoughts, continue to say, "I am here" and with 'here' (the chest/ heart area) being the anchor, watch the mind activities. Simply watch, observe. Now you can say, "I am not this thought, I am the witness", maintaining your awareness in your chest at all times.
Practice this as long and as often as you want to. Eventually when you are able to stay in this space without any interruption from the mind, notice what it 'feels' like to be "HERE".
Thank you for reading. Be joyous and be blessed. <3