In our previous discussion on shame [link to previous article], we delved into the intricate facets of this complex emotion and its profound impact on our lives. Today, we explore a nuanced perspective that categorizes shame-driven behaviors into two distinct patterns: "more than human" and "less than human." Coined by renowned psychologist John Bradshaw, these terms encapsulate the diverse ways individuals respond to shame, shedding light on the coping mechanisms and behaviors that unfold as a result.
Navigating Toxic Shame-Induced Behaviors:
Below, we present a comprehensive list of circumstances and corresponding reactions, offering insights into how individuals oscillate between these two behavioral patterns based on circumstances and the people around them. For a more in-depth exploration, refer to our previous article on shame.
1. Negative Core Beliefs:
More than human:Â Deeply ingrained shame results in over-compensation by displaying a grandiose front, exaggerating strengths to mask feelings of inadequacy.
Less than human:Â Deeply ingrained convictions of personal inadequacy manifest as an exaggerated sense of weakness, unattractiveness, or unworthiness.
2. Managing Responsibilities:
More than human: Fear of failure manifesting in over-responsibility to appear capable, masking feelings of inadequacy.
Less than human: Pattern of evading responsibilities, changing jobs, or opting for menial tasks due to a paralyzing fear of failure.
3. Addiction as a Coping Mechanism:
More than human:Â Turning to addictive behaviors as a desperate attempt to numb overwhelming feelings of inadequacy, often manifested in work addiction, excessive shopping, or compulsive socializing.
Less than human:Â Seeking relief through various addictive behaviors, including substances, activities, toxic relationships, or self-sabotaging circumstances as a way of validating their belief in their inherent unworthiness.
4. Compulsive Rescue Behavior:
More than human:Â Compulsion to rescue others, positioning oneself as a hero, driven by a yearning for external validation and a desire to gain adoration and praise.
Less than human:Â Going above and beyond to help others as a way to garner praise, validation, and a desperate need to be liked, rooted in a deep-seated sense of unworthiness.
5. Social Isolation or Attention-Seeking:
More than human: Extreme social behavior, seeking excessive attention to compensate for feelings of unworthiness.
Less than human: Isolating oneself to avoid potential rejection and abandonment due to fear of exposing the shameful self.
6. Social Connections:
More than human:Â Struggles to form deep connections, possibly attracting others with similar struggles to foster a sense of connection. Additionally, adopting a self-sufficient stance to avoid appearing weak, preferring independence to mitigate the fear of relying on others.
Less than human:Â Fearing deep connections that may unveil one's shameful self, leading to potential abandonment. Constantly becoming the victim, seeking help, company, and becoming clingy due to a belief in unworthiness, which intensifies the struggle to form meaningful relationships.
8. Attraction to Wounded Companions:
More than human:Â Seeking relationships with other wounded individuals to gain admiration, attention, and to position oneself as a savior or hero, often taking on the abuser role in the dynamic.
Less than human:Â Inclination to attract abusive relationships or engaging in a destructive cycle of abused-abuser codependency, seeking affection and attention from wounded individuals, ultimately becoming the abused in the relationship.
9. Difficulty Trusting Kindness:
More than human:Â Mistrusting genuine kindness, believing people harbor hidden agendas as a result of deep-seated unworthiness, and finding it challenging to express gratitude for compliments due to a fear that vulnerability and inadequacy may be revealed.
Less than human:Â Struggling to accept kindness and praise, often feeling undeserving of positive attention.
10. Handling Criticism and Feedback:
More than human:Â Becoming defensive or overly sensitive to criticism as a defense mechanism against underlying shame. Interpreting even neutral feedback as a personal attack and avoiding acknowledgment of faults by deflecting blame.
Less than human:Â Accepting criticism without questioning, sometimes apologizing for accusations even when not at fault, driven by a fear of rejection and a belief that expressing disagreement or defending oneself will lead to abandonment.
11. Response Towards Accomplishment:
 More than human: Boastful response, attributing achievements to personal superiority.
Less than human:Â Often discounting, downplaying own success, and/ or attributing them to luck.
12. Obsession with Past Mistakes:
More than human:Â Constantly dwelling on past mistakes, adept at justifying actions to deflect blame and maintain a facade of superiority.
Less than human:Â Engages in repetitive self-flagellation over perceived failures, intensifying feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy.
13. Putting Needs Last for Holiness:
More than human:Â Sacrificing needs to appear 'holy' or morally superior, ensuring that efforts are known and publicized for external validation.
Less than human:Â Prioritizing others over oneself due to a deep-seated belief in unworthiness, with a subtle desire for validation even if not openly sought.
14. Fear of Failure:
More than human:Â Pervasive fear of failing becomes a driving force, working diligently to prove to themselves and others that they are successful and worthy, striving to overcome the validation of their deepest shame. Often being overly critical of themselves when making errors.
Less than human:Â Avoidance of challenges driven by a belief that participation will inevitably lead to failure, reinforcing the sense of unworthiness.
15. Humor and Self-Perception:
More than human:Â Difficulty finding humor in own mistakes or quirks, defending one's position to avoid acknowledgment of flaws. Taking everything, especially oneself, too seriously, fearing that acknowledgment of flaws will diminish worthiness.
Less than human:Â Utilizes self-deprecating humor, making jokes about oneself to cope with deep-seated shame and unworthiness.
16. Difficulty Accepting Praise:
More than human: Feeling nervous or overly humble when receiving compliments, struggling with the belief that compliments are insincere.
Less than human: Uncomfortable with praise, feeling undeserving of praise and compliments.
17. Asserting Needs:
More than human: Always asserting needs to the point of overbearing and self-centeredness.
Less than human: Rarely asserting needs, avoiding expressing opinions for fear of ridicule and rejection.
18. Timidity or Aggression:
More than human: Adopting aggression to appear tough and avoid vulnerability.
Less than human: Being timid and passive to avoid drawing attention, fearing rejection.